Mary & Violet Dialogues 1: A Night Out

Situation: Two elderly women quickly walk out of a dingy bar.

 

Violet, ye numpty, it is all your fault that he ran off like that!!

Bollocks, Mary! Your talking about experienced older women made him uncomfortable, Mary! And the poor boy went red when the barmaid started giggling at him! 

At least I didn’t try to get his attention by offering him sex on a beach!

That’s an exotic cocktail! These youngsters think that’s funny. ‘Tis not vulgar to talk about it in a bar!

Well, it is when you offer it! (Could you hold my cane for a moment, dear? I’ve to button up my coat. It’s getting a bit nippy, isn’t it?)

(For Pete’s sake, it is summer, Mary.) Besides, he shouldn’t have run away like some wimpy boy. I remember when real men served in the army, like my Jerry, god bless his soul! 

Maybe it’s because you pinched his bottom too, Violet. It made him decidedly jumpy.

You shoving a big pint of Guinness in his face probably made him more nervous. (Watch that puddle, dear. You’ve got new shoes on.)

Well, he drank it in one gulp. All the alcohol settled his nerves a bit.

Except he looked ready to bolt again when you winked at him, Mary, you silly bint!

Absolutely not, he’s perfectly fine until you suddenly pressed yer, yer, yer jubblies in his face!

The conversation wasn’t going anywhere, Mary. We needed a new strategy.

By smothering him with heaps of wrinkles?

You’re one to talk, dear. I merely distracted him so you’d a chance to pick his pockets.

Me fingers aren’t as nimble as they’re a decade ago, you know. And his hands were flaying around too much. If you’d just waited a moment, dear, the spiked beer would’ve knocked him out and we could’ve taken the computer thingie without problems.

He didn’t seem sleepy to me when he suddenly pushed me off and ran away. Maybe your drugs are getting old and lazy, just like you.

Don’t be mean. You’re the same age. Besides, I just got the new pills from doctor Harrow; the little blue ones, remember?

Mary love, those were the pills the good doctor gave you for your tummy problems. Did you mix them up with your sleeping pills?

Oh blast, not again! At least I didn’t mix it up the cyanide capsules this time.

Lucky us. That must be why he ran away so suddenly. Those tummy pills from doctor Harrow are rather strong.

You don’t say. At least he left in his haste his jacket with the secret computer thingamajig behind.

Lovely, mission accomplished. I’ll tell Daniel he owes us.

Remember he told us we’re too old for a mission like this? The cheek!

I’m proud of Daniel follows his old granny’s footsteps at MI6, Mary, but he’s still too wet behind his ears for the real work. Fancy a cup of tea, then?

Of course, dear. Just help me walk back to the hotel. I think my back just gave out on me again.

 

Read on: Mary & Violet Dialogues 2

Read other Mary & Violet Dialogues

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Margret says:

    Leuk om weer te lezen! Ken je boeken v Agatha Christie over Tommy and Tuppence? Zij doen mij daar aan denken

    x

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

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